Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
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