My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
