It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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