I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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