We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
