just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
