Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
