Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
