found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
