I need help removing her.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
