he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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