you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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