Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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