Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
