he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
