no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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