dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
