I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
if only i could text you this smell
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
we're so committed to being not committed
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
