Where did you get a picture of my penis
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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