Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize