Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
