woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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