You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Randomize
