Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
