Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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