the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
