I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
