Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
