the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
