worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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