the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
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