my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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