im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize