I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
