just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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