Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
