omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
