there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
