she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize