what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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