he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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