fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
