What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
