Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
do nipples grow back?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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