is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I want to fling myself into the sun
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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