My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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