im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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