Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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