I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
