It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize