I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
