She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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