"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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