Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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