I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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