I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
