If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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