Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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