how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
