If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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