In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
