Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
3pm strippers are depressing
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Dicks are not precious.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
