but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
this hospital has no fireball
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize