i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Still dying that you shit outside
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
