dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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