my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
