I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
We left the knife in your bed.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
