i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
