u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
