peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
