The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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