I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
