Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
She tied me up with her honor cords...
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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