....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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