he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
