You're my little dorito
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
