I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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