I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Sext me about skeletons
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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