Barsexuality is the new black.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Randomize
