i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
