her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
