I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize