Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
