areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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