ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Drunk is a universal language darling
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