Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
