apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
