I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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