Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
