Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Still dying that you shit outside
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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