nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
