Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
