Betty ford says i'm here all night
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Life is so much better after having sex.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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