i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize