well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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