Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
