i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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