My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
