I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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