she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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