I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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