He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
